ihatecapripants

Manpris taking Hollywood by Storm.

2006-09-08T14:42:00.000-04:00

This is "musician" Avery Storm. Those are denim manpris. That (you can't see it) is barbecue chicken salad vomit on my keyboard. Happy Friday.

tip from chris (link to his blog)
found, of course, at gofugyourself.

Nihilism Jumps Shark.

2006-07-20T14:41:00.000-04:00

Goth Capri Pants?
Yes. Goth Capri Pants.
Fight the Power, Girlfriend.

stool (n)—piece of excrement.

2006-06-28T13:17:00.000-04:00

This ugly-ass bar stool is called "The Capri."
Just sayin'.

Capris? Cankles. Cankles? Capris.

2006-06-23T15:33:00.000-04:00

Sure, a piece of clothing that draws your attention like a laser beam to a woman's cankles is smart fashion design. Absolutely.

NO COMMENT.

2006-06-09T09:01:00.000-04:00

2006-06-06T12:21:00.000-04:00

I choose "c", none of the above.

2006-06-01T11:43:00.000-04:00

If a woman's wearing Capri Pants, honestly, it doesn't matter what she's got going on from the waist up. I don't even notice.

do NOT give peace a chance.

2006-05-17T12:26:00.000-04:00

Here, a woman tries to throw me a homemade olive branch in the ongoing War On Capri Pants. I do not negotiate with fashion terrorists.

previously:
OPERATION ENDURING STUPIDITY

Cargo Shorts vs. Capri Pants

2006-05-15T12:43:00.000-04:00

Both are ugly. But which is worse?

Don't worry, someone already thought of combining them (click image).

Next Stop: Dr. Chopmyballsoff.

2006-05-09T15:02:00.000-04:00

I see a man dressed like this, and I am nearly overwhelmed by an urge to take a mace to his fucking head.

Pink Flamingos. The Pants.

2006-05-04T12:59:00.000-04:00

The temp outside this afternoon here in NYC is approaching 80. I just got back from lunch and saw plenty of otherwise attractive women wearing disgusting capri pants. But none as disgusting as this pair. These pants are even more disgusting than the movie.

What to wear to your next WTO protest

2006-04-28T08:29:00.000-04:00

These are called "subcultural" capri pants. Yep, they're a sign that world civilisation is going down the shitter.

An Army Of Dumb.

2006-04-25T11:19:00.000-04:00

You want our troops out of Iraq? Make em dress so, and they'll swim home to get out of wearing these fucking pants.

Pom-Pom Capris

2006-04-21T08:53:00.000-04:00

This is a semi-famous person, a former model, now an aging nobody. Pic is from this year's Oscar's. Here's a couple of clues as to her identity:
• gap-toothed.
• original Charlie perfume girl.
• real middle name is Laurence.
Her outfit (racing gloves?) is a model of hideousness.

I said it before, and I'll say it again...

2006-04-19T13:16:00.000-04:00

Even a Total Fox looks retarded in Capri Pants.

SIENNA MILLER, BLOODY RETARDED.

2005-11-11T16:19:00.000-05:00

So...you say there's no doubting the superior sartorial sense of our friends across the pond in the UK?

Capris PLUS Uggs PLUS Bowler EQUALS...I'm bangin' the nanny, too.

(pic lifted from the BRILLIANT 2 women of GoFugYourself.

"STUPID" is the word

2005-11-08T17:04:00.000-05:00

Apparently, there's still a HUGE gang of Capri-pant-wearin' "tough" (snicker) chicks out there in this fucked-up-to-heaven country sportin' the Grease moniker "Pink Ladies".

Dog. Doo. Wop.

The Valley of the Capri Dolls

2005-11-06T18:43:00.000-05:00

Every day, their hard-working good-lucking suburban husbands named Ken and Joe and Frank and such would amble off to their dead-end jobs to bring home their modest paychecks. And, every day, the wives would get together and drink Zinfandel and play Bridge and eat Bonbons and give each other foot massages and gossip about whose bake-sale treats tasted like ass and go online and order pair after pair after pair of Capri pants.

TAKE IT OFF!!!

2005-10-16T14:17:00.000-04:00

Here we have the delectable Capri Pants/Stripper Shoes combo. For the poor men in the audience, I can only hope that these are tear-away pants.

THESE THINGS ALSO SUCK LOTTS

2005-10-10T18:19:00.000-04:00

My Cali Editor informs me that Culottes (right) are big thereabouts this Fall with the back-to-college set. I have seen me some here in NYC, and frankly they just confuse the pants off of me. Women: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING TO YOURSELVES?

IT'S ALLLLLL BAD

2005-10-06T16:27:00.000-04:00

The pretty woman on the left is British actor Alice Evans. Her IMDb page says she is half French. Her outfit says she is all Idiot, layer after layer, right down to her horrific homemade Capri Jeans.

(image and funnier commentary found here, from the brilliant ladies of gofugyourself)

America, The Ugly.

2005-09-30T16:10:00.000-04:00

(nice sandals on her though)

IF BABIES COULD TALK...

2005-09-28T16:49:00.000-04:00

"You know what, Ma? Just go ahead and forget the diaper. I'll just shit my pants."

WHEN BUMBLE BEES ATTACK

2005-09-23T10:47:00.000-04:00

The official report says the woman was stung to death because of the "realistic looking flowers." I say the flowers had nothing to do with it.

LAUGHTER MAY ALSO VARY...

2005-09-22T20:48:00.000-04:00

...from a snicker to a snort to a guffaw.

WHAT THE FUCKING SHITASS HELL...

2005-09-20T20:51:00.000-04:00

Who designed these...this...it? They look like combo Wizard/Elf/Harem/Gypsy/Prison pants.

The Moment The Love Died.

2005-09-20T17:03:00.000-04:00

Bill loved Mary Jane. He really really did. She shared his love of The Da Vinci Code, Jack Russells, and Reality TV. He figured he could eventually gently ease her out of her Capri Pants phase. Then came that cloudy stale Sunday afternoon. Already wearing his least favorite pair of “pants”, Mary Jane DEMANDED he come in with her as she tried on the even uglier pair in the window. Bill kept walking, and never looked back.

LOOK AT HER!?!?!

2005-09-18T20:57:00.000-04:00

LOOK AT HOW SHE'S STANDING...she actually seems PROUD OF THE FACT that she's wearing pants that AIN'T ALL THERE. IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY!!! There's a full moon tonight, and I can't be responsible for my actions. I am really honestly thinking about running outside and running up to the first woman I see in Capri Pants and BEG HER to take them off..........or at least to never ever EVER wear them again. Either that, or I'm going to design a flyer. OK, yeah, that's what I'll do. I'll post it here first. It'll be history-making.

Shut-up.

FASHION WEEK NYC REPORT

2005-09-15T09:59:00.000-04:00

Good news, sexy women
who would rather wear a bee
beard than Capri Pants.
A perusal of the runway shows
for Spring 2006
(you can peruse here) showed
nary one pair of retard trousers.
At least for women. Then I got
to the unimpeachable Marc
Jacobs and his Men’s
collections.

I move for his impeachment.

UMM...

2005-09-13T19:13:00.000-04:00

I deleted my Fashion Week NYC post because the joke didn't work. Let's pretend it never happened. I'll write another Fashion Week Post tomorrow or Thursday that will be VERY funny. GOD will it be funny.

Anyway, here's another super duper ugly pair of Capri pants. Click on the image—if you stare at it for 5 minutes without blinking you begin to see little tree frog faces.

YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO WEAR CAPRI PANTS

2005-09-13T14:07:00.000-04:00

Even arbiter elegantiarum Xtina knows enough to not let herself get away with wearing Dirrrrrty Capri Pants.

Luckily, Mondrian's Dead.

2005-09-11T20:40:00.000-04:00

Check out these Capris. It looks like some woman got a gaggle of Stick Figures drunk and then they collectively simultaneously power puked on her pants.

a VERY good sign

2005-09-07T21:06:00.000-04:00

The crappy cheapo bin is one wonderful giant step closer to the complete extinction of Capris (click image for better view). Even better, it appears as if NOT ONE pair has been plucked from the hideous heap. Thank goodness. I was starting to almost wish for Deep Impact.

(pic courtesy of a loyal soldier of the Army of Hate)

WHAT IN TARNATION?

2005-09-06T16:18:00.000-04:00

They are called “Carnation” Capri Pants. Forget for a sec that carnations are not any hue of blue; what’s with the ornamental (emphasis on MENTAL) nonfunctioning ties? I guess if you were falling off a building, these pants give your prospective rescuer several things to grab for, probably pulling your pants right off of you in the process as you plunge to your death. At least the pants would be saved to be re-put on you in the casket.

Keep Your Pants On

2005-09-01T12:57:00.000-04:00

Yes, please, the poor people of the Gulf Coast Region need clothes donations, but don't you DARE stick any fucking Capri Pants in your Care packages; CAPRI PANTS ARE NOT CLOTHES.

"Leaf me alone." (sorry)

2005-08-31T20:41:00.000-04:00

"Of all the trees in the world, they had to pick me. Do I get a forest ranger photo-op? Smokey the Bear? Nooooo. Please don't touch me."

On Flood Pants

2005-08-30T15:57:00.000-04:00

When I say I hate Capri pants, I'm not talking about Pedal Pushers, or Yoga pants, or definitely not Flood pants. Even today, when I see a businessman in Flood pants, I admire him. He at least probably knows his pants look stupid. And, as I've touched on before, it might be a financial choice.

(this post has absolutely nothing to do with Hurricane Katrina)

2005-08-25T14:19:00.000-04:00

Unfortunately, once the seaplane’s pilot saw that the stranded woman was wearing hideous Capri Pants, he pulled up, banked right, and flew back to Guam.

DO YOU KNOW THIS WOMAN?

2005-08-23T19:33:00.000-04:00

If so, please tell her the next Shuttle Mission in March will be stopping at her home planet of Heinous.

Ladies Auxiliary ladies

2005-08-22T20:52:00.000-04:00

Tonight I’m drinking classy—Chianti. Speaking of classy—on the stroll home to my abode, I was approached by these well-turned-out daughters of joy who asked me for directions to tomorrow morn’s free church pancake breakfast.

UGLY WORKWEEK UPCOMING

2005-08-21T18:37:00.000-04:00

As usual, Monday looks bad. But take a peek ahead to Thursday—if the shit does hit the fan, at least you’ll be dressed for it.

OPERATION ENDURING STUPIDITY

2005-08-19T17:49:00.000-04:00

The War On Terrible Pants goes on...

IMAGINE...

2005-08-18T21:05:00.000-04:00

...being stranded on an island with this woman and this was the only outfit she had and she refused to ever take it off except when she carefully washed in a lagoon every day while you were sleeping and she would only have sex with you while she was wearing it which you of course couldn't do so you started desperately chipping holes in trees like the one behind her so that you could stick your Frank into something not wearing these Capri Pants.

"GOING CAPRI"

2005-08-18T20:53:00.000-04:00

Mid a coupla fingers of Jack Daniels, I present a male phenomenon sweeping the nation known as “Going Capri.” I am totally not making this up (well, maybe the “sweeping” part). Unbeknownst to this mandal-sporting feller, a Grizzly Bear is about to make the phenomenon of wearing pants of any kind a moot point for him.

VACATION (from your senses) PANTS

2005-08-18T14:04:00.000-04:00

American broads abroad:
Let em know how loud you are, without opening your mouths.

THIS IS THE LAST DAY THIS MODEL EVER WORKED

2005-08-17T11:47:00.000-04:00

“Now sashaying down the runway we have … err … the latest … um … well…it says here that her hair is by Fred Fekkai and … the handbag is … ok-looking.”

PURPLE HAZE...

2005-08-16T14:37:00.000-04:00

Hippie Chicks?
Drop some acid, don these duds, wait 30, then pour some concentrated H2SO4 all over your legs. Groovy, trust me.

CHILDREN OF THE CORNY PANTS

2005-08-15T15:22:00.000-04:00

They are coming for you, stupid adult wearers of Capris. You can not run. You can not hide. Do not be deceived by their sweet faces and silky hair. The only trace of you they will leave is a bloody pair of ugly pants.

NIGHTMARE ON PANTS STREET

2005-08-14T19:37:00.000-04:00

EVERY DAY, I ask myself:

"What could be worse than a pair of Capri Pants on a woman?" This here is it—a pair of Capri Pants on a woman on a pair of Capri Pants on a woman.

GUESS WHAT THIS DOG'S NAME IS?

2005-08-12T18:13:00.000-04:00

Dogs are always happy?

"Capri" looks flushed with joy.

Lower East Side Capri Pants

2005-08-11T14:25:00.000-04:00

Nice try Hispterette McChickiechick. You can pull the tongues of those oversized Cons up to your cooter—you're still wearing uncool, un-ironic, un-dope, un-rad, un-dek, un-fetch (did I miss any?)...poopy pants.

Limited Time Offer

2005-08-10T23:57:00.000-04:00

So, I'm drunk again this evening. But never too inebriated (shit, I spelt that rite on the furst try) to post another Capri Pant Rant.

This is actually a challenge: If anyone out there can give me one good reason why Capri Pants need exist, I will send you this pair of opossum-colored CPs for FIFTY PERCENT OFF their original retail value (Note: those spiffy cuffs are 100% Road Kill Possum Fur.)

PRADA CAPRI PANTS

2005-08-09T21:15:00.000-04:00

Now I know some of you out there are all like, 'dude you're just finding the fugliest capri pants pics you can find on the web and posting them.' Well, Mr.and/or Mrs Counterpoint (I'm drunk, please forgive my sketchy creativity at the moment), here is a pair of FUCKING PRADA FUCKING SPORT Capri pants. Go ahead, buy them and wear them Miss FashionFuckAnista, and look like a fucking Zebra whose stripes are too thin and whose skin is too loose.

A GROWING TREND

2005-08-09T13:52:00.000-04:00

Flowers and/or leaves are popular Capri pant design elements, which is precious, because they make you look like a Blooming Idiot.

EXHIBIT C

2005-08-08T13:38:00.000-04:00

This outfit is a vortex of UGLY. If this woman ever appears in public dressed so, all time, space, and matter would cease to exist and God would have to start over from scratch—this time hopefully editing out Capri pants.

TWEEDLEDUM & DUMMER

2005-08-05T14:26:00.000-04:00

"Excuse me, Mr. Cupid, hi yeah, can I borrow your bow, thanks. And 2 arrows...poison-tipped please. Thanks."

Shitty Pants

2005-08-05T10:50:00.000-04:00

Accentuating Cankles is bad enough. But then to pick a pair of Capris that suggest you just explosive-diarhhea-ed blueberry pie…

VOMIT...VOMIT...VOMIT!!!!!

2005-08-02T16:29:00.000-04:00

Gals? Next time you head out to watch the Nitro-burning Funny Cars, make sure you’re wearing a pair of these eyeball burning funny pants.

DON'T THINK SO, ANGEL.

2005-08-02T09:10:00.000-04:00

Miss Nasty Pants tried to get into heaven; God (who also hates the bejesus out of Capris) wrathfully body-slammed her back down to Earth to serve as a warning to all Capri-pant wearing heathens.

She's A Plum

2005-08-02T08:44:00.000-04:00

BOINGGGG!!!

a Distraction, by any other name...

2005-08-01T13:59:00.000-04:00

Nice try Helen: pinning a fugly faux rose thingy to your upper pants region in an attempt to take our eye away from one of the ugliest pair of Capris ever. The combination creates one of the absolute worst lower body getups in the history of fashion.

ISLAND OF EVIL

2005-07-29T17:46:00.000-04:00

This is where it all started. The ugly Isle of Capri. If you rotate the image vertically, it looks very much like a Capri-panted Cankle. If only it had gone the way of another Mediterranean isle.

THE ANTI-TURN-ON

2005-07-29T13:03:00.000-04:00

THE SCENE: Woman with 6,000 pairs of shoes. Man with a HONKIN' shoe fetish.

WOMAN: "These?!?"
MAN: (desperately rubbing crotch) "Umm..."

EXHIBIT B

2005-07-29T12:31:00.000-04:00

Bland Wifey in bunchy Capri pants tries DESPERATELY to entice hubby to jump into the sack with her by jumping rope for him. Hubby ignores her and continues to pretend to read an old edition of Welding & Cutting magazine.

CAPRI PANTS CAUSE DEMENTIA

2005-07-29T09:35:00.000-04:00

Here a woman think she's a Bond Girl with a Walther PPK instead of a freak with a drill.

ALSO AVAILABLE IN SHIT BROWN

2005-07-28T15:52:00.000-04:00

This is a style of Capri pant called the “Maryland Straight Leg.” Sporty stylish ladies can go straight from crabbing to dinner to ruining the appetites of fellow diners. Look at that back view.

EXHIBIT A

2005-07-28T12:51:00.000-04:00

Here, an attractive woman begging to be picked up is snubbed by a dork wearing a sweater vest (click the pic, and look at the look on his face).

Why?

The Hatfields vs. Capri Pants

2005-07-28T12:01:00.000-04:00

In cartoons, including Bugs Bunny, barefoot hillbillies seem to be wearing Capri-ish pants. But, this is a financial not fashion issue. Poor hillbillies keep wearing pants that no longer fit them, thus giving said pants the appearance of Capri. I come from Appalachian Trail hillbillies, so I know of what I speak.

SMARTYPANTS

2005-07-28T09:15:00.000-04:00

Some intelligent person pointed me to the internet page detailing the exact moment in history when Capri pants became “Capri pants” (it’s a co-conspiracy of the French & Italians). Of course, they used to just be called “fishermen’s pants” (see, they’ve always STUNK). In Europe, apparently, rolling up normal pants was a monumental fucking task.

Which brings me to the pic at right. I know for a fact that her Capri pants had NOTHING to do with the catching of this fish. I also know that, not only is this girl not a fisherman, she actually didn’t catch that fish at all. That’s because this is a stock photo, created for ad people like me who happen to be looking for a cute shot of a girl catching a big fish while wearing stupid pants.

So there.

WHY WEAR THEM?

2005-07-27T14:01:00.000-04:00

They make thin legs look nondescript, long legs look shorter, average legs look fat, and fat legs look disgusting.

For anyone wondering, I can go on and on and on (and will) about my hatred of capri pants—one of the stupidiest designs in the history of the universe.

Capri Pants Confuse

2005-07-27T10:55:00.000-04:00

Is She...Submissive or Dominant?

women who got away with wearing Capri Pants

2005-07-27T09:49:00.000-04:00

1. Patsy Cline.
2. 1960s Playboy Playmates.

CAPRI PANTS MAKE A FASHION STATEMENT

2005-07-26T15:24:00.000-04:00

This is the statement: “I’m here, I’m not sexy.”

Capri Pants Cause Depression

2005-07-26T12:46:00.000-04:00

HERE, A HOUSEWIFE contemplates killing herself because she looks so FUCKING STUPID.

even a total fox looks retarded in capri pants

2005-07-26T12:36:00.000-04:00