America, The Ugly.

(nice sandals on her though)

IF BABIES COULD TALK...

"You know what, Ma? Just go ahead and forget the diaper. I'll just shit my pants."

WHEN BUMBLE BEES ATTACK

The official report says the woman was stung to death because of the "realistic looking flowers." I say the flowers had nothing to do with it.

LAUGHTER MAY ALSO VARY...

...from a snicker to a snort to a guffaw.

WHAT THE FUCKING SHITASS HELL...

Who designed these...this...it? They look like combo Wizard/Elf/Harem/Gypsy/Prison pants.

The Moment The Love Died.

Bill loved Mary Jane. He really really did. She shared his love of The Da Vinci Code, Jack Russells, and Reality TV. He figured he could eventually gently ease her out of her Capri Pants phase. Then came that cloudy stale Sunday afternoon. Already wearing his least favorite pair of “pants”, Mary Jane DEMANDED he come in with her as she tried on the even uglier pair in the window. Bill kept walking, and never looked back.

LOOK AT HER!?!?!

LOOK AT HOW SHE'S STANDING...she actually seems PROUD OF THE FACT that she's wearing pants that AIN'T ALL THERE. IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY!!! There's a full moon tonight, and I can't be responsible for my actions. I am really honestly thinking about running outside and running up to the first woman I see in Capri Pants and BEG HER to take them off..........or at least to never ever EVER wear them again. Either that, or I'm going to design a flyer. OK, yeah, that's what I'll do. I'll post it here first. It'll be history-making.

Shut-up.

FASHION WEEK NYC REPORT

Good news, sexy women
who would rather wear a bee
beard than Capri Pants.
A perusal of the runway shows
for Spring 2006
(you can peruse here) showed
nary one pair of retard trousers.
At least for women. Then I got
to the unimpeachable Marc
Jacobs and his Men’s
collections.





I move for his impeachment.

UMM...

I deleted my Fashion Week NYC post because the joke didn't work. Let's pretend it never happened. I'll write another Fashion Week Post tomorrow or Thursday that will be VERY funny. GOD will it be funny.

Anyway, here's another super duper ugly pair of Capri pants. Click on the image—if you stare at it for 5 minutes without blinking you begin to see little tree frog faces.

YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO WEAR CAPRI PANTS

Even arbiter elegantiarum Xtina knows enough to not let herself get away with wearing Dirrrrrty Capri Pants.

Luckily, Mondrian's Dead.

Check out these Capris. It looks like some woman got a gaggle of Stick Figures drunk and then they collectively simultaneously power puked on her pants.

a VERY good sign

The crappy cheapo bin is one wonderful giant step closer to the complete extinction of Capris (click image for better view). Even better, it appears as if NOT ONE pair has been plucked from the hideous heap. Thank goodness. I was starting to almost wish for Deep Impact.

(pic courtesy of a loyal soldier of the Army of Hate)

WHAT IN TARNATION?

They are called “Carnation” Capri Pants. Forget for a sec that carnations are not any hue of blue; what’s with the ornamental (emphasis on MENTAL) nonfunctioning ties? I guess if you were falling off a building, these pants give your prospective rescuer several things to grab for, probably pulling your pants right off of you in the process as you plunge to your death. At least the pants would be saved to be re-put on you in the casket.

Keep Your Pants On

Yes, please, the poor people of the Gulf Coast Region need clothes donations, but don't you DARE stick any fucking Capri Pants in your Care packages; CAPRI PANTS ARE NOT CLOTHES.